You Stole a Bratty, Evil Spellbook and It Hates You! (Goblin POV • Cursed Relic • Fantasy Humor)

You're a goblin adventurer with some serious gold lust, searching a dungeon for...for...um...ooh, what's that? The shiny thing over there on the pedestal? Oh! A book! Covered in gold and jewels! Sure, it's probably evil and cursed, what with all the torched corpses surrounding it. Probably full of exploding runes and all sorts of nasty traps! Lucky you can't read, huh? Not so lucky for the evil relic, though... F4A • Magic Book Speaker • Goblin Listener POV • Comedic • Kidnapping… Booknapping? • Making Deals • Trying to Dom You and Boss You Around but Failing • Ineffectually Demanding and Bratty • Teasing, Insults and Mockery • Listener is a Happy-Go-Lucky Kinda Thief • Power Dynamic and Power Struggle Played Strictly for Laughs 💖 This audio is a previous Patreon Exclusive that escaped containment 💖 Performer: Vanilla Velvet Audio Script by: SplashiestPig on reddit SFX/Music: Licensed from Envato elements; other SFX freesound.org under public domain/CC0 licenses Anon Cinnamon Rolls: 17 Red Velvet Patrons: Abi Colleen, Adam Mercer, Agent V, Albinauric-man, Alec Cummings, Alex Price, Alonso Jones, Anakin Pranger, Angel Lopez, Argo, ausername, Battle Brother Opossum, Bingo Bongo, Bleh, Blood Sand, Bookwyrm, BopTop, breadfan, Bulldog23, Charlie, Cheezy, Chestnut Bowl, Cheyse Turner, Chino Nunez, Chunki, CleanestJam379, Colin Zachau, Dad Bod’ Is Peak, DeadCole24, DeCarlo Salmon, Degama, Douglas Stark, DR42, Draeck, Dragoon, E, Elfie, Everydaysmonday, FaithlessTanya, Fancy Fenris, Feathern, FeistyFae, FishFishFish, GfIHt, Ghost48, Gilly Gunz, Gingie, Grant Dean, Grapha, I Sakaido I, IDrxpBxdies, InternetWatcher777, Jade, JaggedTanuki, Jema1994, Jonas Salazar, Joseph Brown, Justin Law, Karim Ortega-Rincon, Kindred Aspirant, King of Kings Jay, Krious319, Kyle, Lathe26, Lolia, Look it's pac man WEPA WEPA, Lostthefirstaccount, LovecraftCoffee, Marco Inkthrop, Melonraid, MetalM, Michael, Midir, Mlesdom905, MrTimoman3, Nestor, neweydeweychewey 3, niper07, NO_USERNAME_FOUND, OrangeMarvin, philip, Polarfaust, Q, Quin mullen, Restless Undead, RiderCruise, RobotWarSim, Romeo 228, Ruki, Sam Vieux, Scott Schafer, SebbelBasti, selyxis, Sleepy Seb, Solomon, Spaceman Ice, Spenser Whalen, Spooderman, Squid, Steven D, strobi100, Sunkun_Slug, SuperTrunks4, Tasca Vadian, ThatRandomBystander, The Musical One, ThereIsAnOctopus, Thesadturtle, Trunks, Very Hungry Caterpillar, void_lizard, Vshorks, WickJohn321, X, Xenowolf32, XLargeTaco Smalltaco, XxLongCatxX, YellowEyePixel, Yohan, Zivis01 Black Velvet Patrons (Producers): A.I. Overlord, Athena, Auri, Birbman, Branch King, Busted Honor, chad drake, ChaplainBald, Corozaki, david james, Delta Lead, Douglas the Excessively Anonymou, Dragon Prince, Ducky, Fredrik Hansson, FøõŁ, Hedron, Isaiah G, Ish, JA_0505, jmax, Jordie, jow, Juan, Julian b, Knighthawk, legendaryshibe, littleaggro, Logan, M3M3, MisterDJ, Plonki, PrimeTitan, Sad Boi Hour, Sam Corvia, Santiago Comid, sasafrazz, SauccySofa, Sean Black, Shugaurufu, Sloppy, Steven, Supersonic94, TheSleepingWildlandMan, Travis Wharton, trem_low, USNC Saratoga, VanGhoul, Virra Grayson, Yatter Glass, YoBaronICanDigIt, Zane Alexander, Zenman100, ZERO006, Ztech Sugar on Top Patrons: Sugar 0_Rat, Sugar Alpacalunch01, Sugar Sparky Anthony Estala, Sugar B1ue 7eaper, Sugar Battlizer, Sugar Friend Beef, Sugar Beeposaurus, Sugar Big guy, Sugar Burn it, Sugar Burstniart, Sugar Casey Hernandez, Sugar Castle.22, Sugar CyberWolf07, Sugar daytimedrinker1, Sugar Deadwolf, Sugar Deanster, Sugar doexus, Sugar Drunkmonkey, Sugar Earl of Hounds, Sugar Echelon, Sugar Ethan Green, Sugar FatYajirobe, Sugar Gabriel, Sugar Daddy Gesoking, Sugar Grassrose, Sugar Jauk0ut, Sugar Hauntrix, Sugar Hugo A, Sugar Jake Forgea, Sugar Jason Grimm, Sugar Jetsetradio, Sugar Joey, Sugar Jonah Rodriguez, Sugar Jordan Peterson, Sugar josh, Sugar Keene Marlowe, Sugar Knifehunter97, Sugar Knowie, Sugar Lars deschain, Sugar Luke Childers, Sugar Matt, Sugar MeatyHawaiianSausage, Sugar Mr.Salty, Sugar mrconnorcreed, Sugar NotHarrisPen, Sugar Notsofunnyclown, Sugar OrangeLightning, Sugar Osu Samurai, Sugar Ramses, Sugar Rat, Sugar Royallight, Sugar Spider Daddy Ryan Morgan, Sugar shorb, Sugar Six, Sugar Snix, Sugar Mama SamiKami, Sugar Baby Snow Cold, Sugar Stickyspin, Sugar Suttercanesmuse, Sugar The Punkin King, Sugar TheScrivner, Sugar TheTMoneyMan, Sugar Jedi YounglingSlayer, Sugar Toons, Sugar Ventris Duvell, Sugar volk, Sugar Ventris Duvell, Sugar Vernathon Fernathon, Sugar Yahir Martinez, Sugar Yuri Oni, Sugar-pai Zenpai, Sugar zero snow