asmr 3dio ear licking | buttpost 3: breaching containment, leeching your ailments

It's that time of the [TIME UNIT], my friends. That's right, BUTTPOST TIME!! Confused? Same. But look at the 3: in the title, doesn't it kinda look like a butt with the dimples? Of course, it's also the third one because I made two previous "buttposts", they were shitposts however. Very important distinction. - Timestamps: 0:00 Intro, waking up finding myself trapped inside my wardrobe 1:25 Yo mamma so fat... etc. 2:15 Who are you? Why are you in my house? Police?! 3:40 I literally just start eating crisps live on TV 7:30 "Found footage", whatever that means 9:30 EL GOBLINA 10:15 Interrogation but I have undiagnosed ADHD so I decide I want to lick you instead 12:50 Cleaning you a little with a moistened paper towel 13:45 SNIFFA 14:10 I have a moment 15:00 Left: A little ear touching and blowing (and my avatar starts to party like it's 940 AD) 15:55 Ear nibbles and little licks and little kisses 18:30 My neurons start to slowly activate, like a wind-up motor 21:20 Right: long licks 24:55 Brain... unwinding... 26:10 Swirls along the helix (rim) 27:20 Left: swirls on your tragus (little protrusion by the ear canal) 29:35 We're going deeper underground... 32:25 Right, big, slow swirls 34:40 A little faster 36:40 Left: I leak some confidential information (sorry but I have to kill you now) 38:00 Looong liiickss (I really like this one) 40:30 I have another moment 40:55 A little bit of cleaning and massage and a sniffa-sniff-sniff 44:50 yawn 45:20 Right: fluttering my tongue in your ear (oh god my poor mic) 47:55 Left: flutter attack! (AAAA MY MIC) 50:00 ok i think thats enough 51:15 ok just a couple more kisses 52:20 grabi handses, and tapping 53:40 it was cream cheese actually 54:30 how did you manage that, really? 56:55 So anyway, I started cleaning (moist towelette ear cleaning) 59:40 I'm a dryer now FWOOOSSHH (ear blowing) 1:00:30 Nothing new here, except I invite you to lunch with me this time 1:03:10 By The Emperor, what is that unholy screeching?! - So what is this so-called "buttpost" about, you ask? We tackle deep topics such as why you bring potato crisps with you wherever you go. And why you're in my house. And who put me in this wardrobe. And why you are such a beautiful person. And why aural-lingual friction is so pleasant. After all that worldly talk, and also brushing my teeth, I unsurprisingly start LICKING YOUR EARS. If this was, by some kind of magic, indeed a surprise, I would assume you didn't read the title correctly. See, it says it right there! Isn't that convenient? So, EAR LICKING; since I just woke up from hibernation and have yet to unwind all the knowledge in my brain, it was fortuitous indeed that you should be here for me to practice on. Featured in this 3DIO BINAURAL MICROPHONE ASMR recording, are the following techniques: EAR LICKING, EAR KISSING, EAR NIBBLING and nibbles and noms. Indubitably there is also EAR RIMMING, DEEP EAR LICKS, TONGUE SWIRLING, TONGUE FLUTTERING and much more. And by much more I mean: EAR BLOWING, FINGER TAPPING, CLOSE WHISPERING, PANTING, and MOANING. To mention a few more without being overbearing, we have EAR CLEANING, TOWEL CLEANING, EAR MASSAGE, and wow I could go on but I choose not to. - It was quite a joy to make this, I even recorded my own sounds for the VCR part (you watched that didn't you?). I hope you appreciate the goblin energy I tried to channel, it wasn't really much of an effort come to think of it. Maybe I AM that kind of goblin? In any case here is the download, I only included the ASMR part and also the three takes of me falling out of the wardrobe because why not. https://gofile.io/d/KSZHHp (192 kHz FLAC) - "You ever need anything, you know where to find me."